Allen Stopped Eating
by seiyuurabu
Summary: For rabiyuu day July 8. While eating, Allen asks Kanda a question he's going to wish had never crossed his mind. Kanda's reply inspires Lavi into an action he miscalculates on all the consequences of. LXK/KXL established.


It's still July 8 in my time zone. July 8 is the mid point between Kanda's (June 6) and Lavi's (Aug 10) and was chosen as a day to celebrate the LXK/KXL pairing. The idea was spawned on the rabiyuu comm on Livejournal. Fanworks of all types were encouraged so you might want to head over there to see what other fans came up with. Hope you enjoy my contribution. ^_^

Summary: Crackish but not out of realm of possibilities. ^^; While eating, Allen asks Kanda a question he's going to wish had never crossed his mind. LXK/KXL established. Swearing and sexual situations (but no actual sex).

LXK/KXLLXK/KXLLXK/KXLLXK/KXLLXK/KXLLXK/KXLLXK/KXLLXK/KXLLXK/KXLLXK/KXLLXK/KXLLXK/KXLLXK/KXLLXK/KXLLXK

**Allen Stopped Eating**

"What part of no didn't you understand, Baka Usagi?!" Kanda emphasized his rejection of the sample of Jerry's dinner special being waved near his face by trying to skewer Lavi's other hand to the table with one of his chopsticks.

Lavi removed the offending fork of food and ate the morsel himself while silently thanking his quick reflexes in barely dodging Yuu's aim.

Allen and Timcampy continued to carve a dent into the mountain of food on the table shared by the three of them, Allen apparently oblivious, or just used to his friend's antics.

"You should expand your culinary cuisine, Yuu-chan," Lavi stated in his defense while putting on a pouty face. He couldn't quite keep the twinkle out of his eye though. Lavi was glad that Yuu's vehemence in trying out new food didn't apply as much anymore to experimenting in the bedroom.

Kanda didn't pause in eating his soba, and only dignified the redhead seated across from him with a glare.

Allen, who was at least listening, slowed down his chewing a bit as he wondered if Kanda even understood what Lavi had meant. Reaching out for a new bowl to start on, he realized something hadn't happened that normally would have whenever he was around these two for any length of time. Lavi had called Kanda by his first name multiple times, from greeting Kanda when Kanda had joined them at the table in the busy dining hall to just now. Why hadn't Kanda threatened Lavi with death? Kanda wouldn't even let a battle get in the way of doing that. So there had to be a reason.

Nope, he couldn't think of one at all. Torn between his still growling stomach and wanting an explanation for Kanda's odd behaviour, Allen asked, between mouthfuls, "Kanda, how come you haven't gotten pissed at Lavi for using your first name?"

To Allen's left, Lavi glanced at him with a look that said, "Now that you mention it...". Lavi then turned his gaze to Yuu, joining Allen in waiting to hear Kanda's response.

Kanda put his chopsticks down in order to take a drink of his tea. Choosing to look at Lavi instead of addressing Allen directly, Kanda stated matter of factly, "Because it just turns him on more." Kanda went back to eating his soba.

Allen nodded a little, the meaning of Kanda's seemingly logical answer, not quite yet registering with his brain cells.

Meanwhile, Lavi was proud. He was damn sure Yuu would never have pulled off something like that months ago, while covering the slip up he'd even missed that hinted at them being a helluva lot more than comrades or friends. Yes, Yuu had a devious streak. Underneath the table, Lavi rubbed his foot against Yuu's shin, until Yuu's eyes narrowed slightly to convey him to quit that. Lavi shoved some more of his meal in his mouth to help him keep from grinning or laughing.

Having processed the information, Allen was having quite a different reaction than that of Lavi.

Timcampy happily continued to mow through another dish, unconcerned that his current master had halted in eating, had half-chewed food dribbling from his agape mouth and his eyes were wide in shock.

"Eww, Allen, that's gross." Allen was oblivious to Lavi's comment though.

Allen had heard Kanda right, didn't he? It was a bad joke. He'd been set-up by those two from the start? But Kanda wasn't like that. Right? Then if what Kanda said was fact, then... No way. No fucking way. There was precious little in the ways of the world Allen didn't know about thanks to his upbringing and being with Cross all those years, but to remotely even have to consider Kanda being involved with Lavi... No, no, he did not want images of them naked and doing... Ack, damage was done.

Allen blinked and shut his mouth. His appetite was likely ruined already, he wasn't going to risk asking anything else and go with pretending it never happened. Picking up his glass of water, he took a drink, wishing he could keep eating. Attempting to ignore the source of his lurching stomach, he kept his sight towards Timcampy who was still scarfing down Jerry's always delectable dishes. He also wished the water could wash away the disturbing mental barrage of those two eating each other among engaging in other sexual pleasures.

Lavi was struggling with whether to help poor Allen out by suggesting Yuu'd gotten his words mixed up, that Yuu had meant he knew that Lavi got off on teasing him by using his first name because Yuu couldn't really make good on his threat and kill off a much needed Exorcist, or to indulge in his devious side and torture Allen more while simultaneously shocking Yuu. And be prepared to flee as fast as possible. Ah well, you only live once. Besides, his life was fraught with danger on a daily basis, at least this would be fun. Lavi allowed himself to smirk.

Kanda could care less what his reply had done to Moyashi's mental stability, that's what he deserved for asking an impertinent question. However, he did take notice of his Baka Usagi thinking a little too hard. What the hell is he planning? Kanda figured he knew Lavi well enough by now, he'd be able to handle whatever the idiot was going to do. Shit, he's made up his mind, Kanda noted when he saw Lavi smirk. He quickly finished the bit of soba on his chopsticks and braced for chaos.

Kanda wasn't prepared after all. Lavi went into hyper rabbit mode. "Wah, Yuu-chan," his voice becoming more annoyingly cute, "you really do care about me!" Upon finishing, Lavi bounced up from his seat, quickly leaned forward and kissed Kanda on the lips. The kiss was chaste and lasted less than a second, but the impact was enormous. It was hard to say who was more stunned: Kanda, Allen, or the other diners in the hall whose view was not blocked by Allen's pile of food.

Allen looked like a victim of a lightning strike whose left hand twitched a couple times and released the barely touched bowl of food he'd begun eating since his stomach had convinced his brain that it truly did desire to ingest more sustenance. Lavi rescued the bowl from hitting the floor, placed it back on the table, and patted Allen lightly on the head as he began his mad dash to the nearest exit all the while with a toothy grin plastered on his face. Not that he needed any extra motivation to get his legs moving at top speed, the crash of a seat bench in conjunction with a snarl followed by the sound of boots pounding the stone floor did convince Lavi's heart to work a bit harder.

Allen barely registered one livid Kanda rapidly going by in chase of his prey with Mugen already activated. This wasn't real right? Lavi slipped something in his food or water and this was some kind of hallucination, right? It wasn't like he wasn't currently dealing with visions no one else could see, though he definitely couldn't blame this on the 14th. Or maybe it wasn't Lavi at all, it was actually Timothy playing a prank with his Innocence. No that even made things worse. Allen sighed and gazed at his less than half consumed meal. Even Timcampy had halted eating, floating up and down in front of him, trying to provide some encouragement to Allen's increasing discomfort. Bothersome situations were usually incentive for him to eat, but he couldn't fathom how he'd finish with his stomach back to lurching again. Allen groaned in defeat while damning Lavi and Kanda for the lovely food that would probably go to waste.

When Link came by some 10 minutes later, he was rather disturbed to see an overturned bench on the opposite side of the table where an even paler than usual Allen Walker was dejectedly watching the gold golem eagerly munching away. Had he eaten something bad, or finally eaten too fast that he had indigestion? Link frowned, his presence hadn't been acknowledged at all. He coughed lightly while placing the new dish down on the table that he'd hoped Allen Walker would be willing to critique. Two other plates somewhat unfinished at the other end of the table only added to the puzzle, yet it seemed doubtful he'd get an explanation from Allen Walker.

"Would you like assistance to the infirmary, Allen Walker?" Allen blinked and seemed to become more alert at the sound of his name Link observed.

"Ah, Link, sorry I didn't notice you." Allen attempted to smile at his watchdog. He added on, "No, I don't need the infirmary." There was nothing there that could remotely remove the images of Lavi and Kanda his mind had supplied to the earlier stimuli. Not only that, Allen had created even more such images in the past few minutes thanks to wondering what punishment Kanda might invoke against Lavi if he'd caught up to him yet. Bondage, Lavi begging, Mugen being used to whip, spank and stimulate... Allen shuddered, where the hell was the off-switch, he was the one being punished with his stomach seconding that wholeheartedly. The Science Department is where he needed to go for help. With all their crazy potions and inventions there had to be something that could erase his memory of the past hour.

Damn, Link was still watching him like a hawk. Maybe he'd just excuse himself to the washroom, but he still hadn't figured out what to do with his meal although Timcampy was making a valiant effort. "Nothing to worry about, Link, I just had a bit of a unexpected shock earlier." Allen made more of an effort to put his cheery face on. Unfortunately if this had been a poker hand, Allen would have been screwed. Link had gone from a frown and concerned look in his eyes to a disbelieving scowl.

Link was about to grill Allen Walker further to get to the bottom of what had transpired when he was distracted by a rather audible belch from the golem. Timcampy followed it up with another one. Allen was grateful for Timcampy's brilliant timing except the burping was just a warm-up. Timcampy open his maw wide and started to project a recording.

Allen panicked. He quickly swatted Timcampy down to the table with his left hand to prevent him from showing it. How - no, why - the hell had Timcampy recorded that scene of all things?! To torment him later? Allen didn't have time to think because Timcampy fought back to his perceived mistreatment by biting Allen.

Damn, golem teeth were sharp! Allen couldn't suppress a yell from the intense pain.

Link had witnessed too many bizarre and much more dangerous events in his life to be phased by the golem taking off with Allen Walker - who gave him a quick apologetic smile as he went by - charging after Timcampy.

Link deemed it not worth his effort to go after Allen Walker. For one, his excellently prepared dish deserved to be eaten, not discarded on some whim. Besides, he could easily question Allen Walker more in their shared quarters later on. Once he completed his meal, he would tidy up the mess left behind by his ward and Allen Walker's two absent companions, one of which had to be Kanda as few others ate soba and tempura.

To avoid any additional upset to his still protesting stomach, Allen opted to activate his Innocence and trapped Timcampy in his Crown Clown before he vanished down another corridor in the maze of passageways. Who'd think Timcampy could move that fast considering all the food he'd guzzled?

Deactivating his Innocence - he didn't want anyone in the Order to think something was wrong - he held onto Timcampy in his no longer throbbing in agony left hand. "Sorry, my friend, but I can't have you showing that recording to anyone." At least Timcampy didn't try to escape or bite him again.

Allen set his path to the Science Department. Since it was excellent blackmail material, he toyed with the idea of keeping the recording. The idea didn't last long. It wasn't valuable enough compared to dealing with the images invoked if he saw it again. His stomach concurred. Furthermore, it was a safe conclusion that he wouldn't win a fight against Kanda and Lavi together if they wanted to crush him instead of being intimidated by him for having it.

In another corridor somewhere in the Black Order, Lavi was managing to still keep ahead of Yuu. Where to escape to safety to Lavi hadn't thought of far enough ahead. The problem being Yuu did know him too well so all the places he might hide weren't an option. There were also a few other basic tenets that had slipped Lavi's memory tonight. Firstly, Lavi forgot that it was wise to wait a period of time after eating before engaging in vigorous activity. His sprinting was jostling his digestive system too much to cope, resulting in Lavi's destination being chosen for him as he couldn't ignore the urge to use the nearest facilities. Secondly, in his flight, Lavi forgot to watch where he was going. Rounding a corner at top speed with Kanda not too far behind, Lavi came to an abrupt stop as he collided into Marie.

Heart pounding, nerve endings sending stars to his brain and his bowels demanding attention still, Bookman Junior tried to wear his best apologetic Lavi face. Marie with an unfavourable expression simply held firm to the redhead Exorcist by the collar, obviously having heard him coming and his comrade in pursuit. Marie called out a warning to Kanda to avoid having an Exorcist sandwich, "I have him, Kanda!"

So much for having to worry about a fiftieth name, crossed Lavi's mind as he awaited his fate. Death at the hands of his love didn't have an all too unpleasant ring to it. Ah, but he had to have hope. Maybe after the miracle it'd take to convince Yuu to spare him, long enough to go to the washroom at least. No point in dying and embarrassing himself.

A somewhat breathless Kanda rounded the corner and approached his friend and the Baka Usagi slowly. The lunatic had the nerve to give him a little wave. Kanda did appreciate that Lavi certainly seemed uncomfortable although not necessarily because he'd been caught which was a bit puzzling, or just a ploy. Acknowledging Marie for his help as well as indicating he wouldn't need any further assistance, Marie released Lavi and continued on his way. Whatever had happened Marie didn't have any inclination to know the details, but he noted - not for the first time - that Kanda's behaviour around Lavi wasn't what it used to be. Prying into his friend's private life wasn't something he'd ever do though.

With his momentary freedom, Lavi took a wobbly step back to prop himself against the wall, failing to get his body functions under better control.

It wasn't fear or mercy that his eye pleaded Kanda with as he yanked both ends of Lavi's scarf with one hand and lightly pressed Mugen along Lavi's groin and inside of his leg with his other hand. Instead of being curious as to Lavi's lack of reaction to his impending doom, Kanda's anger rose slightly. Exposing their relationship - even if it could be passed off as a bad joke, just the usual Lavi teasing Kanda too far - wasn't a game, nor something to be on display in public.

"Would you like to try _that_ again, Baka Usagi?" Yuu's voice was at his deepest and dangerous. Lavi groaned. Yuu really had no idea how damn sexy he sounded.

"Could I get back to you on that, Yuu-chan?" Lavi inquired meekly and pointed towards a door further down the corridor.

Kanda followed to where Lavi's somewhat unsteady finger was aimed and comprehended. Then he smirked. Who said there wasn't divine punishment? Probably him, but that was despite the point.

Lavi didn't have enough time to grovel. He also didn't want to push Yuu past his boiling point either, but he had no intention of making an ugly mess of his clothes. He going to have to use Oodzuchi Kodzuchi to reach the lavatory if this went on much longer. "Please Yuu-chan, you can..."

Kanda cut Lavi's plight off with a disgruntled "Che."

Kanda let go of his grip on Lavi's scarf and removed Mugen. Lavi responded to Yuu's generosity with a quick bow and bolted.

When Lavi came out from the washroom, he fully expected to see a glaring Yuu-chan, Mugen at ready to carve him up. An empty corridor greeted him instead. That didn't compute at all. Yuu wouldn't let him off the hook, he'd gone a little too far. So... Lavi pondered as he started to walk. Bookman was away, thankfully, perhaps Yuu was waiting in his room to exact his revenge. Possibly. On second thought, not likely.

As Lavi continued to walk, he noted where he was headed to instinctively, where he tended to spend his nights this past year. Yuu's room. And people wrongly accused Yuu of not being too intelligent. If Lavi had any chance in Hell of being with Yuu tonight or any night to come, he'd have to enter his exquisite panther's den and bear the brunt of his fury. Why lay a trap when your prey handed itself over on a platter? Lavi almost laughed out loud at the predicament he'd created. Yes, Lavi, you are screwed.

The last tenet Lavi hadn't considered fully before opting to provoke his love was that a pissed off Yuu-chan meant a cold and indifferent Yuu-chan which translated into Lavi having to endure abstinence. What was today? July 8. If good fortune smiled upon him he'd only have to wait until his birthday, otherwise it might not be until Christmas. To not touch Yuu, to not kiss him, to not wake up entangled in each other triggered a shiver through Lavi at that prospect. It just wouldn't do, wouldn't do at all. He was persuasive, he could seduce Yuu. But that meant being able to get close enough to him. And that would be suicide to attempt tonight at least. He very much liked where both his heads were attached.

Giving a forlorn look to Yuu's door, wherein Kanda was probably generating ideas on how to skin a Baka Usagi, Lavi turned about and headed down the hall. He decided to go back to where the evening's adventure had begun, the dining hall. Something warm and hearty was called for while he contemplated on getting himself out of the hole he'd rather eagerly dug himself into.

Maybe if he offered himself up to Yuu coated in wasabi....


End file.
